The Ballad of Jane (Austen)

Below is a filk  I  wrote recently while on a bit of a Jane Austen kick. I couldn’t help it, the chorus kept ringing in my head….Jane! The lady called Jane!

I hereby release these verses into the public domain, so have fun! I would however appreciate it if you could try to keep my authorship attached if you should repost it.  I would also love to hear if you have added any more verses—feel free to make suggestions in the comments to this post—and if you can capture any performance on YouTube or the like, please let me know!

For any who don’t get what this is all about, have a look at this blog post:

and now, without further ado, we present: 

 The Heroine of Hampshire or, The Ballad of Jane (Austen)

By

A Lady

aka Donna Farley

Jane! The lady called Jane!

She put down her sewing and picked up her pen

She wrote about ladies and rich gentlemen

Our love for her now is not hard to explain

The Heroine of Hampshire, the lady called---Jane! (spoken, aside: Austen, that is…)

Now Jane saw the unmarried ladies

Just wanting to get on with life

But their homes were threatened by entailments

(in Mrs. Bennett’s voice): “They need a rich man in want of a wife!”

So Jane said, “Let me invite you to my shindig—

It’s all about Prejudice and Pride.

The gentlemen will all be dressed in tightpants

Because they are in want of a bride.”

Oh, Jane! The lady called Jane! ….

Now the Bennets had five lovely daughters

Lizzy, Mary, Kitty, Lydia, and Jane

(spoken, aside: Not the same Jane as Jane Austen the Heroine of Hampshire, you understand, just a character in her book, and not even the main character, that’s Jane Bennet’s sister Lizzy, also known as  Eliza, Elizabeth, and Miss Elizabeth Bennet. In the eighteenth century, Jane is a name as common as pins.) 

All right, let’s try that verse again—

Now the Bennets had five lovely daughters

Lizzy, Mary, Kitty, Lydia, and Jane.  

Not one prospect of a husband amongst them,

But at least they had a good family name.

(Though I’ve heard that there was another sister

--the family had to have her locked away

In some backwater place known as Canton--

As I recall it, Vera was her name.)

Oh Jane! The lady called Jane! (sing it! Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane—Austen!)

She put down her sewing and picked up her pen

She wrote about ladies and rich gentlemen

Our love for her now is not hard to explain

The Heroine of Hampshire, the lady called---Jane!

When the Bingleys invited the Bennets

To come to the Netherfield ball

The sisters put on cunning bonnets

So the rich men would dance with them all.

Now, Mister Darcy gave a poor first impression

And Lizzy’s family made her want to die

This romance would never find expression--

Till Darcy noticed Lizzy’s fine pair of eyes.

Jane, the lady called Jane…(spoken: Jane Austen’s pen is just getting warmed up now, folks!)

Then Lydia ran off with Mister Wickham

While her mother collapsed in a faint

Darcy said, “Lizzy dear, I love you but I fear

Your family is quite a disgrace!”

Lizzy said, “Sir you know I am a lady

But a gentleman you certainly are not.

Man up! I need a big damn hero!

And you are the only one I’ve got.”

Jane, the lady called Jane….

Well Darcy was properly chastened.

As it turned out, he wasn’t all that proud,

So when Lizzy got a look at his mansion

She said, “All right, I’ll marry you now!”

The young man having changed his manner

The young woman therefore changed her mind

Now Jane Austen’s novel had a happy ending

And the marriage register was signed.

Oh Jane! The lady called Jane! (sing it! Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane—Austen!)

She put down her sewing and picked up her pen

She wrote about ladies and rich gentlemen

Our love for her now is not hard to explain

The Heroine of Hampshire, the lady called---Jane!

Now this is just one of Jane’s stories

(I haven’t yet read all the rest)

She wrote five other very clever novels

Back in the day on the old Earth That Was

So here’s an end to the ballad of Jane Austen

A heroine for you and for me

I hope that you’ll read all her stories

And I hope that you find Serenity.

Oh Jane! The lady called Jane!

She put down her sewing and picked up her pen

She wrote about ladies and rich gentlemen

Our love for her now is not hard to explain

The Heroine of Hampshire, the lady called---Jane!

==========================================

The Original “Ballad of Jayne (The Hero of Canton)” from  Firefly

lyrics and easy guitarchords found here: 

Or listen to it here:

And lastly—I don’t know who these people are other than fellow Browncoats, but they do have pretty cunning bonnets and that makes them THE COOLEST.